In the eye of the beholder.......

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

From the time of our births we are given cues to beauty even at a time when we don't have concept of language and comprehension of it's definitions. How many times have we seen the mother/father or been the mother/father who comforts a child with, "Aww, come here pretty baby" or some such variation. As children we will readily accept that we are beautiful when we are told we are, for example how many times have you complimented a child, yours or otherwise by calling them pretty or beautiful only to hear their response of "I know"?

So those of us who have suffered with some form of self esteem issue, one has to ask the question where does this come from. Movies, magazines, real world relationships, experience, time, cynicism, I think these all play a part of how we become detached from our previous belief in ourselves. I don't need to point out or illustrate my point too much with regard to what we see daily on our televisions, in movies and in magazines (and I'm not talking about Playboy or even Maxim here), we all know the messages these media influences send our girls and ourselves. We have Disney Princesses and Barbies and more recently Bratz dolls to help guide our daughters to reach the feeling of never measuring up an ideal and that's just the beginning of it.

I grew up 'the fat kid', I experienced any number of humiliating situations due to my classmates and the bullies at my school. I was picked on mercilessly, faux married to a boy just as unpopular as I was just because his name rhymed with mine and threatened to be beat up everyday after school. I was even sent to the principal's office because I was purposely and falsely accused to calling another girl swear words at a time when I would never have dared such behavior. These experiences aren't unique and I am not asking to be pitied merely painting a picture of things that can happen to people to rip off that mask that everything is perfect and they are beautiful as they are. As I grew older having to deal with all the boys I had crushes on not wanting anything to do with me or even ridiculing me was painful. My freshman year of high school I even had a boy ask me to be his girlfriend on a bet, I thought I would die of embarrassment but instead I would pour out my feelings into bad poetry and listen to heavy metal and make lots of really bad choices.

Bad choices can be just as damaging as having to endure taunts from your peers because then you turn inward and point at yourself and laugh at the fool you are while at the same time collapsing in tears. This for me was another bar to me ever seeing my own beauty whether it was exterior or interior. I went through a stage in my mid-late teens where I just didn't care or least let on as though I didn't. I broke hearts, I was wild, I acted with abandon and unafraid of the consequences but all actions have consequences and I paid for them in self esteem. Self loathing was a friend of mine.

Then there comes relationships and how we behave in them as well as how we're treated. I know that I had to see parts of myself that I would have rather stayed in some dark corner of a locked closet in the basement of my soul and when you have to acknowledge the lowest part of yourself it's generally a good tool we can use against ourselves to convince us we're unworthy of compliments and love and what is good in life. But there is also the influence of others upon us, the old tapes of our love lives, the things that echo in our minds in the dark when we can't sleep. They can follow us from relationship to relationship and God forbid we hear the same thing from the next relationship ect.

But here is where I want to change the direction of this blog. There is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that states, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" I would like to broaden this idea by saying, No one can make you feel beautiful and loved and worthy without your consent either. In therapy I was told I would not be able to be loved by others until I loved myself. It sounded crazy, how is it possible to love yourself without the validation and acceptance of others, I didn't understand it. But it is so true, God created us in his image and if you are a believer, how can you not see that we all possess beauty if only in the portion of us that mirrors our creator. We are the ones who hold the true key to beauty, google the word beauty and click on images, why are there so many different images show? Because truly beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and once you give yourself permission to see the beauty that lies inside yourself you can be able to accept what others see in you.

If you don't find that persuading enough for you I will leave you with these final thoughts. Exterior beauty is fading but what is inside has the potential to grow throughout your lifetime. If you want to workout your physique to make yourself beautiful on the outside that is healthy and good but do not neglect what is on the inside because being comfortable in your own skin and letting the world know by the way you treat yourself, that you are worthy and good is the best way to feel beautiful just being you. Be the beautiful person you want to be by giving beauty to those around you.

Conspiracy theories anyone?

I think this blog is particularly interesting given the date today September 11, 2010, the ninth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the WTC, the Pentagon and the ill-fated crash of flight 93 in Pennsylvania due to the heroic efforts of the everyday members of society who happened to be passengers on that doomed flight. Because of the anniversary date I've seen many postings among my friends on Facebook, the internet, cable channels such as History channel, Youtube ect. regarding different possible explanations of what happened on September 11, 2001. I'll start off by first and foremost saying that I don't buy into conspiracy theories concerning 9/11 just so we get that out of the way. I merely use this example of what I will detail in the following paragraphs. What is the purpose, place and reasoning for having conspiracy theories in society in the first place? Where do they come from? Why is there so much mistrust of the government, the military and others in power?

First off I partially viewed a documentary on Youtube that was posted to a friend of mine's wall on Facebook because I believe in trying to see both sides of an argument whether or not I think I'll end up agreeing with it's subject. I don't think we can make informed decisions about things without weighing things out as much as is possible. I wish that I could remember and cite all the sources I've read after 9/11 to explain my position but I can't. If you are interested here is the link to the conspiracy documentary that I refer to above and will cite throughout this blog: . First off who produced this "documentary" using the word loosely? How do we know these are in fact, facts? Where are the named scientists speaking on camera and what are their credentials? How do we know quotes used are complete and in context? To me, the viewer, it reminds me of the brilliance of the arrogant jerk known as Michael Moore whose facts are dubious and filming practices allow the viewer to infer things not shown and believe the smoke and mirrors he creates with his filming style. Not to mention his misrepresentation as fact things that he manufactured for dramatic effect on his so-called documentaries, but enough about Michael Moore, that ego-maniac gets enough attention.

I have yet to see one real shred of evidence leaning me toward some mass conspiracy/cover up by our government. Here we have former President Bush much talked about and vilified. He is described as stupid and incapable of speaking intelligently. I can't say how many times I've heard him referred to as having less than impressive intellectual abilities. Yet, we the people are supposed to believe he's pulled off one of the most impressive hoaxes in recorded history over an entire nation and several (hundreds? thousands?) well known and respected scientists around the globe? Is he an incredibly brilliant evil genius or is he moronic? C'mon people you can't really have it both ways!

And getting back to the whys and hows of conspiracy theories, here I will explain my very own conspiracy theory for your consumption. My belief is that people a lot of the time refuse to accept the simplest explanation for things that in their minds are incomprehensible, example: Elvis Presley is the king of rock and roll, he couldn't possibly die and if he did in fact die he couldn't be stupid enough to die by drug overdose! He must have been murdered, he was the KING no freaking way it was simple as that, a king does not die that way! I'm not saying people actually verbalize it like that but I think to some degree their interior dialog might go along those lines even if subconsciously. Granted, there are real conspiracies that have come to light throughout history. It makes people skeptical and question everything, which is in and of itself good as it makes people think but when it's spoon fed to us repeatedly in the media, it becomes the norm rather than the exception and I just don't believe that is the case. The last piece of the puzzle I believe is the media and movies. Bad things done by the government (yes absolutely news worthy) are hyped up much bigger than the good stuff, just like hearing about a car crash rather than a kitten rescue.

Think about how many examples are available in Hollywood to bolster my point about subtle almost subliminal messages given by directors and writers in that industry. Let's see the following is a list of movies and my examples:

Transformers: The military vehicles turn out to be Decepticons which are the villains.

The Mist: Government experiment gone awry releasing monsters from another dimension

American Beauty: The killer ends up being a homophobic, abusive, racist, former Marine.

E.T.: The Government is out to get, kill and experiment on the alien.

Starman: Same as above

High Crimes: Military and government involvement in massacre of innocent civilians, one of the main characters goes around killing people to keep the conspiracy from coming to light.

Star Wars: The Empire is the ruling government and is both corrupt and evil.

Wag the Dog: A president creates a fictional war to deflect the public's attention from a personal scandal.

I think that there are so many examples of this in movies that I can't even come up with more for my list but seriously think about it. Think about the stereotypical military type from movies (not war movies or about specific war heroes) they are generally portrayed as stupid, hick, racist, abusive, unable to hack civilian life, crazy, homeless, dirty, violent...ect. Also consider how many movie plots are based on government experiments gone wrong, specially created troops, monsters, viral weapons ect.

There are clear examples of real conspiracies throughout history and yes governments including our own have conducted testing and such on our troops and even everyday citizens, but I believe, perhaps erroneously that it is a lot harder with the advent of the internet, cellphones and just the direct connect people have all over the world for these things to be likely of happening today without someone coming forward and blowing the whistle on the whole thing.

It's okay to ask questions, I encourage that, but do not allow your cynicism to make you unable to see the truth just because it's not exciting enough for you.